Sins of the father...(or mother for that matter)

Now, the fact that I've only just heard about the Chris Brown-Rhianna incident could indicate that I've spent the last three weeks living in some semi catatonic state amongst nomadic goats in the highest hills of East Africa, or it could just be indicative of my interest in the celebrity culture that’s seems to have the majority of people between the ages of 13 and 40 practically salivating at the prospect of finding out who John Mayer is sleeping with next. Sure I'll sneak a look at 'Flava of Love' as readily as the next guy (or even watch a whole episode of Run's House - his final message is always worth it) but when it comes to staying up to date with what famous people are doing, save their actually field of work, I usually steer clear of their shenanigans. So when the reports of problems between Chris Brown and Rihanna first surfaced, I really didn't pay much attention. I'm not even going to get drawn into the details surrounding the case because I think we all know what's alleged to have happened and plus the gossip sites have gone into overdrive with all sorts of nonsense. For example, from www.inquisitr.com, I found the following:

Sources allegedly close to Brown allege that the fight leading to the domestic violence incident occurred because Rihanna gave Chris Brown herpes.

And how did Rihanna end up with an STD to begin with? Claims are that she picked it up from Jay-Z!

I mean what the heck, how do you even begin to come up with something like that?! Sources, what sources? The only source that could possibly come up with that was probably made by Heinz (ok, bad joke I admit it freely). But after some digging and fact checking on less ridiculous sites, I came across quotes from Chris Brown admitting that, between the ages of seven to thirteen, he and his mother had both been the victims of domestic abuse at the hands of someone close to both of them. It got me thinking about how our experiences as children stay with us into our adult existences.

People often describe children as sponges, absorbing the information around them consciously and subconsciously. Usually this serves us well as it helps us to develop. It gives us the opportunity to pick up a number of skills that would take considerably more effort to pick when we are older. If you think about it you can trace so much of yourself to the things you witnessed or heard as a youngster - views on different races, different sexes, how you treat strangers, even your own self worth. Traced back to a time when you were aware of everything and nothing at he same time.We internalize so much that we're not aware of until a situation presents us with a chance to react. But I think this Chris Brown case shows what can happen if the things you witness in your childhood, therefore what you internalize, are less than positive. That's why I think hurt people hurt or those with absent fathers are more likely to be absent fathers themselves. Or how 13 year old father Alfie Patten who is one of nine and his 15 girlfriend who is one of five (indicating that both their sets of parents had children at a young age, maybe even in their teens) find themselves one more teenage couple raising a child in Britain? Everything is cyclic and if an issue is passed from parent to child, it's going to keep being passed down until someone breaks the chain.

Now I don't want you thinking that I'm excusing abhorrent behaviour purely because of what people have gone through in their youth, but what I am saying is there is usually a reason why people do certain things. Unless we have the self awareness or the introspective nature to discover negative issues (large or small) left over from childhood and address them, we're are never going to know how or why they influence our everyday decisions or how to stop that negativity. Making us all susceptible to our very own Chris Brown moment (obviously not literally).

Change is underrated...

You know what I’m tired. As I sit at my computer, the noise of the keyboard beneath my hands creating a symphony of words that translate into the sentences you read - I am tired. Not physically tired. Not even emotionally tired; tired of the ever apparent stagnation that surrounds me. Why is it that so many things have changed in recent months, yet so much seems to have stayed the same. Obama gets into the White House on the promise of change and bipartisanship, yet nearly every Republican in the house objected his economic stimulus plan. HBOS just recently received £17 million from tax payers to ensure the bank’s survival but suddenly, due to their merger with the Lloyds Banking Group, another tax payer funded bail out is probably going to be needed. There's even another Friday the 13th movie being released (we've already had Halloween and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre)!

Seriously am I living in the Tardis where time and space continually repeat themselves in some annoying Central Perk feedback loop? Honestly, I liked Friends when it was on the first, second or even fifth time around but did that show not end like over four years ago – why is it still on TV? Wouldn’t any one who wanted to watch episodes for the 19th time already have the DVDs... why punish the rest of us with Monica and the rest running around like it's 1994 and no one of even the remotest hint of ethnicity lives in New York city? "Could it BE any more tiresome?"

Anyway, back to my point... I guess the big things don't change until you address the little things. Sick of Friends reruns - change the channel. Hate sloppy remakes of classic 70's slasher movies - don't buy a ticket. Sick of the banks getting tax payer's money - demand something is done differently. They say that one man (or woman) can make a difference. I don't agree with that and not just as it was said in reference to a guy who had been bitten by a radioactive spider, could walk up walls and shoot webbing from his wrists. I think it takes more than one person to make a difference, but it doesn't take more than one person to inspire the chain reaction that ultimately leads to a new path. The thing about change, real change, is it's a personal journey that can start with the most innocuous of choices. All it takes is the smallest decision to do something. A single action, reaction or moment of inaction can start us on a path to success, failure or indifference. For example a teenage Barack Obama decided to go to Chicago after college and become a community organiser, a small decision that has ultimately lead him to the White House.

So instead of bemoaning the current predicament, like I've been doing for the entirety of this piece, maybe we should be looking to effect positive change in our lives and the lives of those closest to us. In our attitudes, our shared experiences and our communities. Starting with an alternative ingredient to bring about a new end product... because change is progress and progress is truly living. Without progress we might as well all be seated in front of another Friends rerun for the 20th, 21st, 22nd time... Are they on a break, aren't they on a break - oh the suspense!