Thoughts of an afro-legoman...

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you!

2010-07-30T13:15:00.005+01:00

Do you remember what it was like when you got back to school after the Summer holidays? You’d forget how to do all things school related - even holding a pen felt strange. Well that’s what it’s like sitting here writing this entry. It’s been so long I seem to have forgotten all things afrolegoman related and my fingers aren’t finding the keys with the same easy rhythm they used to. You probably don’t want a reason as to why I’ve not written for such a long time but you’re gonna get one anyway. Between starting my new job (damn it’s tough), turning 30 (more on that later), and chasing every lick of sunshine we have been blessed with (does any one else love wearing sunglasses?) I’ve literally had no time to process all the thoughts going through my mind let alone let alone get them down on... well (digital) paper. The only reason I even have the time to type this is because the seatbelt light is on and I can’t get to the shoebox of a an aeroplane toilet that’s been calling my name ever since I necked those two complimentary gin and tonics the nice, but slightly ingenuous, flight attendant gave me - that’s right I’m flying people.

The End of an (afro-shaped) Era

And no, I’m not talking about Oprah quitting (although it’s a shame) and I do hope she finds a suitable replacement. Much love Angie!

No the era that has come to an end is the decade otherwise known as my twenties. When I started this entry I had actually only just turned thirty and this post was more apt. Now almost an entire month later I’m finishing it over the Atlantic Ocean en route to Canada, as I previously mentioned, for a friend’s wedding. And that’s the point - gone are the days where the boys and I would travel to visit a new bar in a new city to check some new girls. Now we travel to each other’s weddings, house warming’s and children’s birthday parties as we set the younger man’s burdens aside and accrue the focus of people who are moving to the next stage of life - a better stage. One where we are no longer judged by trivial measures but on our character’s. On the testaments others can give, not based on our accomplishments, but on the people we have become.

I don’t fully know the person I’ve become, but I do know the person I hope to be. They’re kind, generous and a credit to their parents. They understand that differences are not there to divide us but to allow us to learn from one another and add colour to our lives. They know the importance of faith - whatever faith that may be - but know better than to judge those without it. They can see the good in others, even if those others can't necessarily see it in themselve's. They are passionate without being overbearing, fearless without being foolish and independent without being isolated. Yeah, that's who I hope I've become, how about you?

Like I said, I don’t fully know the person I have become, but I know I have enjoyed getting to this point - I can't . So long twenties, you were an excellent teacher!

Legoman out!

I'm a two timer, but I'm not the only one...

2010-05-19T11:57:00.007+01:00

So here I am wondering exactly where it all went wrong. We started out so well, so happy. We’d spend hours together, in the evening, at weekends; lost in one another’s company - but how things change. It could be the fact I’ve been so busy but if I’m honest it’s because I started spending time with someone else.

But my lack of dedication to afrolegoman must be addressed. Just because I have been two timing him with m.o.d.j.o doesn’t mean the thoughts of an afrolegoman have ceased to flow. And how many thoughts there are, on topics including the Con-Lib (optimistic) or Con-Dem (pessimistic) coalition government, the huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico (there has to be another option to deep sea drilling) and to top it all off, Scrabble have started to allow proper nouns (Superman for 59 points? I think not people).

Let’s talk coalitions and just so you know I am totally pessimistic about this situation. I know that the country needs governing and that the people have spoken, even if it is through the auto-tune-esq voice modifier a first past the post voting system represents, I can’t help feeling uneasy about it all. According to David Cameron, a little while ago the best joke he had heard in Parliament was “Nick Clegg". That’s the same bloke you’re in the most loved up Bromance since Armstrong and McConnaughey is it Dave?

It just seems to me that this marriage of convenience was less about fulfilling the country's wishes (as was claimed by both sides) and more about giving two highly ambitious men exactly what they wanted - access to power. The Lib Dems get a seat at the big table (albeit in one of those children's high chairs with a table attached complete with a little bib to catch all the policies they've had to drop to get into bed with the Tories) and the Conservatives quite obviously get someone to blame when the Public Sector sh*t hits the fan, as it will.

As a card carrying liberal, I can’t shake the feeling that this coalition is simply Nick Clegg two timing me with David Cameron and getting away with it. But then again, I guess, judging from the date of my last descent into the thoughts of an afrolegoman, I can't talk - because it takes one to know one right?

Do you know the muffin man...

2010-03-19T17:21:00.052Z

...who lives on Drury Lane? Cause if you do, you might want to tell him that having four security guards escort my two Lawyer friends off the Tamarai premises is not best way to get them to pay the discretionary 12.5% service charge he added to the bill! Here comes Lesson 4 - Tamarai sucks!

Confused, trust me so was I when I heard the story and to be honest I still am... here’s a breakdown of the events.

A friend of mine goes to a chic Asian fusion restaurant called Tamarai (on Drury) with another of her friends
The bill (no more than £180) arrives and due to crappy service they decide not to pay the full 12.5% discretionary service charge - they want to pay less
The PIlsbury Dough boy in the cheap suit then says that they must pay and if they don’t then he won't accept payment for the meal
He then says “If you can't afford to eat in places like this, you shouldn't come out - this is fine dining, not Mcdonalds"
After much wrangling he calls for four security guards to escort the two off the premises
She has now received a claim for £1,000 because apparently my friend “abused other diners, intimidated staff and vandalised property”

Right so when I finally heard the whole story I thought it would be best for me to write a list of rules for the muffin man management of Tamarai, I’m calling it ‘Restauranting 101’.

Rule #1 - A Discretionary Service charge is just that

Since when did discretionary’s definition in the dictionary change to compulsory and a discretionary payment compulsory to the point of it’s absence causing an entire bill to be forfeit. I’m pretty sure that the definition of 'Discretionary' is having the ability to decide or act using your judgement - SO A DISCRETIONARY SERVICE CHARGE DOESN”T HAVE TO BE PAID IT IS AT THE PATRONS DISCRETION!!!!

Rule #2 - Not accepting payment is kind of stupid

As a restaurant, surely it’s better for you to be paid for the food rather than allowing your muffin man staff to refuse payment because they are not going to receive 12.5%. Would you not prefer to take full payment and allow the discretionary charge to be paid - oh no not if your Tamrai, you simply treat your restaurant like it's William Hill and hope for the best.

Rule #3 - Four security guards + two girls = overkill

Even if you want to remove a couple of ladies from your premises, using four burly security guards is kind of going too far - neither of my friends aren’t in the WWF, they are normal, mild mannered legal professionals and don’t really need Grant and Phil Mitchell clones to get them to leave. Telling them it’s not Mcdonalds and that it is a fine dining establishment does the trick!

Rule #4 - £180 does not equal £1,000

Now I know that being in the restaurant business means that food is your speciality, not numbers but a basic grasp of mathematics would probably serve you well. Not allowing two diners to pay a £180 does not give you cause to try and claim £1,000 at a later date (honestly a lobotomised goat with an 'F' in GCSE Food Technology could tell you that. Now you've got to prove that they broke the law (which they didn’t) and then spend more than £1,000 going through small claims (and probably lose).

Rule #5 - Don’t employ offensive staff

The whole reason I’m writing this post is because of the offensive nature the entire event played out. I know I don’t know all the details, but I do know that my friends were told that they basically should go to Mcdonalds because they weren’t good enough to dine in Tamarai due to questioning the service. Well if you hadn’t employed freakin’ idiots maybe they’d get their service charge and everyone would be happy.

Lesson learned -Tamarai sucks

But I guess I’m less confused now than I was at the start of this blog... the one clear thought crawling through the thicket of ‘What the heck’ is simply don’t go and eat at Tamarai - you’ll get shoddy service, be expected to pay for it, get insulted, be ejected by the Mitchell Brothers plus clones and then get a £1,000 bill a week later! Don't go and tell all your friends not to as well - the muffin man might make great cakes, but he makes shitty restaurants!

Parents, your children are calling you!

2010-03-11T14:08:00.006Z

I’ve just realised that my life is about to move to a new age category. A few months ago I registered with a new Doctor’s surgery and had to fill out some personal information and I was still in the 21-29 bracket, but as I type I'm mere months from my 30th birthday I am about to having to tick the 30-39 check box. I don’t know why I’m surprised, the signs are everywhere; for the past couple of years the people in my life have been getting married, buying houses and having more and more children (seriously, they're popping them out everywhere). And I guess it's this progression from youthful checkbox to maturity laden checkbox is the reason I find myself writing on this particular subject matter - parents - or the lack there of.

Reading ‘The Week’ as I do every week, I came across a story focussing on whether young children were unduly sexualised in the media and how that makes them interact with one another. Boys treating girls as sexual objects, young women seeing sex as a legitimate way of realising their dreams. After reading the whole piece all I could ask was WHERE WERE THE FREAKING PARENTS? And not just where were the parents, but where were they when they could still make a difference? As parents surely it's our job to be the most positive influence in our children's life . To shape their World view because the last time I checked it wasn't the media's job to raise children - it was their job to sell units! But that doesn’t mean if parents don’t take charge of what they're consuming the media won’t.

So instead of pressurising the government into serving up a ‘Mc-Happy Meal’ of censored entertainment to ensure the future of our children, why don’t we take back control? You don't like the fact your children can see Lady Ga Ga flashing her crotch in her latest video looking like an extra from Prisoner Cell Block H you can do something about it - turn of the TV. Wondering why a 9 year old is talking about being too fat or the fact there is an alarming rate of eating disorders in children under 10? It might have something to with the same child sits in front of 'What Katie did Next' every week ingesting the utter nonsense emanating from everything Jordan does and the messages her ridiculous lifestyle endorses. Wondering where your son is getting his questionable views of women from? Maybe refuse to buy him latest copy of Nuts magazine and replace it with something a little less breast heavy.

It’s not rocket science, if we want to stop the ‘pornification’ of our children and change the patterns of behaviour, it’s up to us, otherwise we’re just shifting the raising of our children from the media to the government and not where it should lie... with us.

The Third Lesson - Celebrities can be kind of stupid

2010-03-08T17:26:00.005Z

Ok, so I'm back on my soapbox - it's getting really comfortable up here. Once the sunny days of Summer come along I'm thinking about pimping it out. You know, a deck chair, a jug of Pimms, iPod and some stunners just chilling. Because in all honesty so many things are going on at the moment that my mind cannot comprehend. My mother once told me that common sense is not common and for years I treated it with the same disdain as most of her other old mother's tales. Tales of square eyes and face freezing gusts of wind, but you know what, she was right!

Carol Vorderman should communicate in binary code...

Spending Thursday night doing what I do every Thursday night, I found myself in front of a Question Time panel that included the usual mix of politicians and celebrities (Journalist Will Self and Carol 'I've done nothing since Countdown' Vorderman were the guest celebs). My main bone of contention is with the former Countdown host, who while trying to appear to be an impartial commentator was quite clearly pushing a conservative political agenda. Now I'm not a conservative and I didn't agree with much of what she said, but that's not my issue. My issue is that she tried to fool the audience and us at home that she wasn't repeatedly pushing an agenda only to then push said agenda with the very next breath. Whether she was talking about the public's right to know the crime John Venables' went back to prison for (we don't have a right to know by the way) or whether Lord Ashcroft was wrong to have not become a domicile of the UK when he said he would before accepting he peerage in 2000 (he was by the way) she just spouted out a load of Right Wing propoganda and slung mud at the opposition parties - that's what the politicians are there to do, celebrites are just there to prove they're not idiots and you failed. Honestly Carol, we're not stupid but you clearly are if you think we're going to fall for it. I sat there wondering whether Will Self was going to call her on it, but clearly too kind to embarrass her in front of millions simply gave her a masterclass in impartial commentary as only he can.

A quick mention for Estelle. What, if anything, were you thinking?

I was reading one of my favourite blogs the other day (Soul Bounce) and it turns out Estelle's latest track 'Freak' finally got a video. I watched it and Estelle, for whatever reason, decided that blacking up her face like some kind of freaky golliwog was a good look. We all know that Estelle's not exactly had the best stylists over the years - in fact I can't recall when she's ever looked as good as she probably could with some direction - but blacking up really?!?!?!

We all know the racial history associated with this look, so why would you want to recreate that? It's not even a parody. Then she went ahead to defend it basically saying that she's black, how can she black up? That's not an excuse... it's like a Jewish person dressing up as an Auschwitz guard and saying, it's ok I'm Jewish! It was offensive and stupid - anyone with common sense would have known better... but then again it's not common is it?

The Second Lesson - John Mayer is a douche

2010-02-17T22:53:00.003Z

Yeah that's right, I said it. John Mayer for all his 'Waiting for the World to Change' antics is pretty much a douche and here lies the second lesson. Now don't get me wrong, I love his music (Continuum is my album right there and Gravity is my tune). But having caught wind of his Playboy interview I kind of find myself feeling like he's a little bit of a big mouthed... ummmm, what's the word I'm looking for, oh yeah DOUCHE! But I don't actually think he is a racist, maybe a dirty dawg, but not a racist.

Sure he used the 'N'word, but when I read it I immediately saw the context of his sentence and there was no malice in it, he was simply highlighting the foolishness of the question about his so called 'hood pass'. I know he shouldn't have used the 'N' word, but all it would need would be for someone to pull him aside and say "You know what John, that's never cool for you to say." If he repeats it again, then cyber space can deride him as whatever they like.

And as for his comments on not dating black women, I know plenty of people who wont date outside their race and they aren't labelled racists, they simply have a type of person they go for. Plus why would anyone want to date him when his M.O. is pretty much do the dirt then tell the world about it - not exactly a great dating experience (tell me if I'm wrong ladies). As far as I can tell, he's only getting such a hard time because he's a celebrity. If he were John the tube driver, no one would give a rat's crusty ass who he wanted to date.

I honestly think there are more important things to be worried about right about now than if some musician drops an 'N-Bomb'. I mean last time I checked there's still devastation in Haiti, people are talking about racial profiling in transport hubs to combat terrorism, a general election is on it's way and we're still in the grip of a credit crunch. I don't know about you but that's all a little more interesting than John Mayer and his obviously far too big of a mouth!

Lessons learned!

2010-02-03T22:36:00.002Z

So it’s been well over a month since I wrote my last piece and a lot of things have changed since then. I moved house. Got robbed (which is part of the reason I’ve not written – they stole my laptop). Been on holiday to Nigeria. Welcomed in 2010 and bought myself a new Macbook Pro - which is the reason I started writing again. There are so many topics that I feel like I need to address, but I can’t do it all in one piece, so I think I might start a series. Maybe like a five part series on the lessons I have learned since my last post (and trust me there are a few of them). And you know me (actually you don’t but anyway), I’ve always believed that when life is teaching you a lesson, it’s best to sit up and pay attention so you don’t need to repeat the class over and over and over again.

Lesson 1: Apple Macs are kind of cool

Ok so I know I might be a late comer to this party, but better late than never right? My Mac has given me a new lease of life for writing. Ok so it hasn’t, simply having a computer again did that. But having such a comfortable and intuitive machine does help. All I want to do recently is write (that and play Mass Effect 2 like a huge video game geek). I know that simple technology shouldn’t be the inspiration for my creative outlets but I often look back at the days I would carry 5 or 6 note books around, full of scribbles, anecdotes and whatever section of my debut novel I was working on at that time. You know what I’ve learned - if you’re going to carry something around you might as well make it as sexy as a Macbook (pro). So I guess this post is more about introducing you to Applonia (that’s her name by the way) as much as it has been about me reminiscing about pukka pads and sharpie pens!

Disney, oh why do I love you so?

So in the last post I admitted to watching Twilight and Sex & the City and now here I am admitting to loving Disney - but I promise I’m not really a 13 year old girl. It’s just all this excitement around the new movie The Princess & the Frog. In the days of Pixar and 3D it’s nice to see Disney going back to basics and hand drawing a movie again. But what’s more it’s a freakin’ musical! Is it me or has it been too long since Disney made a good old fashioned musical? Between Disney movies and Michael Jackson I acquired a love for music from an early age - but anyone who was between the ages of 4 and 10 since 2003 has been missing out. I’m going to watch it on Friday so I’ll be writing a review on it then - suffice to say I’m excited. If you’re excited like me, then here’s a little reminder of just how good Disney can be:

What ever happened to being an A man?

2009-12-11T12:02:00.029Z

Ok, so I probably shouldn't admit this, being the proud alpha male I am, but last week I went to the cinema to watch Twilight Saga: New Moon. I know, I know... my status as an alpha male is in jeopardy, but hey I went to see Sex and the City so I guess I've been on shaky ground for a while! The worst thing about this is I hadn't even seen the first movie so I had no idea of the love between Edward, the 'vegetarian' vampire with a soul (ummm where have I heard that before, Joss Whedon might just want to sue someone) and teenage high schooler Bella.

Now I will admit, I was drawn quickly in to what is a visually stunning and surprisingly well written, acted and directed romance movie where the Bedward (that's Bella & Edward for those who don't know) chemistry is evident and that may be the very reason for this post. New Moon centres on the love triangle that forms when Edward leaves to keep Bella sage. Apparently being around blood thirsty vampires isn't exactly the best way to make it to your 19th birthday. Anyway, I digress, Bella starts hanging out with Jacob, who had obviously been eating some steroid shaped spinach and is now a hard as nails, vampire killing werewolf, and the thrid part of an interspecies love triangle the likes of which the cinema going public has never seen!

Now my issue is not about the film or even the tweenagers in the audience cackling every five seconds. No my problem rests purely on what is generally the emasculation of men. I'm pretty sure it started with Adrien Brody being cast as the leading man in Peter Jackson's King Kong. Our latte sipping hero fought the island's beasties, saved the girls and still had time to write loving prose and pretty much rewrote what it meant to be an alpha male. Even though Naomi Watts' Anne had another option (yes I know he was an 50 foot ape, but in essence he was the embodiment of the stereotypical alpha male).

Fast forward a few years to Twilight, where, for lack of a better descriptive term, Edward the vampire skulks about the place like an emo. He may be 109 years old but he has the emotional intelligence of a Fallout Boy listening 14 year old. God, he looked like he was going to cry in almost every scene and even when he had to show a little bit of fight when taking on the Vulturi to save Bella's life, he got his ass handed to him - repeatedly. And Jacob, the other member of this love triangle, the physically imposing werewolf who spent most of the movie saving Bella's life (from vampires, other werewolves and herself) while keeping her mind occupied was cast as the also ran to RPatts' emo vampire. Once again, the alpha male is recast as the undesirable, leaving Edward to cry his way back into Bella's heart.

But you know what, maybe I'm being harsh, maybe Edward really is a hero, maybe he's not a 100 year old cry baby. (I've since been told that if I had watched the first movie, I would be more sympathetic to Bedward and their love, but as it stands I'm not convinced). I'll save ultimate judgement until the next film though, but for now, I'm squarely in the Wolfpack even if that finishes off the job watching Sex and the City started!

Janet Jackson - you're still my homegirl!

2009-12-08T11:35:00.011Z

I never watch the X-Factor. Ok that's a lie, but I never watch the live performances. Ok that's a lie too, but I only watch the live performances when there are guest artists worth watching. And in the past few weeks there have been some great performers (if not performances)… we've had cracked out Whitney, the gorgeous Alicia Keys and on Saturday we had the undeniable Janet Jackson.

With the sixth month anniversary of Michael's death fast approaching, I was feeling a little blue but watching Janet perform made me feel a whole lot better. I immediately remembered Rhythm Nation, Nasty and all the other great songs you've given us over the years. And the funny thing is that the void left by Michael's death might just have a little Janet shaped space in it. You helped to remind me that the Jackson legacy is much more than just one man (albeit a great man) and you are still very much alive! So here's to you Janet Jackson, I can't wait for the new album!

Check out the new single here

I miss the 80's...

2009-12-02T17:48:00.007Z

It's been a while since I updated you guys and I apologies... I will endeavour to be better at this, but with work, social life and just trying to get some rest I've had hardly any time. But you know what, being a busy bee has me thinking of a time when things were so much simpler.

The days of Mr.Freeze, Buckaroo, Dandelion and Burdock, Hulk Hogan (before Brooke). Those were the days when summer's where endless, you were never cold and the only monetary problem you had was having enough for a 10p pack of Chewits and a pack of football cards with the pink bubble gum.

So just in case any of you 80's babies were feeling the same way, here's a videos that made me feel a little better.

Enjoy! Legoman Out!

Lauren London love....

2009-10-14T14:06:00.015+01:00

Ok so I don't usually talk about fashion on this blog... I leave that to the experts. But I was watching Keri Hilson's video 'Knock You Down' and was admiring Kanye's leather jacket and Ne-Yo's black cardigan (because let's face it, it's a video that you'd probably watch with the volume down - Keri, I love you, but the only thing the videos got going for it is the styling, the tune is dryer than a Sahara crossing camel's right ass cheek!)

So usually when I like the clothes from a video I spend an age looking for either the item or an almost identical copy. Well on my Internet search, I came across my new favourite site and knew I needed be the one to share it to you. Basically you can watch a music video, hover over an item and find out where to get it as well as a load of other information on the artists or set design and I fell in love with the concept. A lot like the way I've fallen in love with Lauren London (completely superficially and without any prior knowledge - but that's still love right?)

Ummmm, Lauren London, she's so purdy! Sorry excuse me, I get a little carried away sometimes. Back to business... I'm going out on a limb here and stating that I think it's only a matter of time before we're sitting down watching [insert favourite show here] on an interactive TV and buying new clothes at the click of a button. You heard it hear first! Anyway, check out the video and see what you think (although you may want to watch it with the sound down - sorry Keri!)

Wierd Science

2009-10-10T21:50:00.009+01:00

I was watching ITV the other day – there is an unsubstantiated rumour that the programme I was watching was the ‘Xtra-factor’. And that is just what it is, a rumour and an unsubstantiated one at that! Anyway, I digress I was watching ITV and an advertisement, probably funded by some government agency, trying to boost the number students choosing to study science came on. On its own this piece of news is as unremarkable as an unremarkable object sitting in a grey room surrounded by other unremarkable things.

But when this is taken with the news (I was watching BBC Breakfast the following morning) that health and safety fears are forcing science teachers to stop children participating in experiments - urging them to watch experiments on the internet instead, then the news suddenly became as ridiculous as Tom Hank’s hair in ‘The Da Vinci Code’!

So the best way of getting children interested in science is to remove as much hands on experience as you can from their lessons and bore them with endless theory? Quick, someone catch me, I think I’m about to faint from the thought of all that excitement. Now this kind of gets my goat on a few levels...
God isn't it lucky that the Health & Safety experts are here to ensure the survival of the human race. I mean it’s not like humans managed to exist for millions of years before they began helpfully pointing out every potential harmful chemical, situation or routine for us. Seriously, I read a report the other day that said children shouldn't be allowed to play in parks because there is lead in the soil. LEAD IN THE SOIL!!!! That’s the whole reason? When I was a kid I’m pretty sure I ate a lot of mud, and guess what I’m still here and I don’t have a foot where my ear should be!

I mean why try to eliminate the practical element of learning when surely it’s one of the best methods of teaching; not only by engaging students but by also teaching them the basics of handling laboratory equipment? That’s an important skill that will be required if they decide to continue in their scientific studies or careers – surely Lab Technicians started somewhere?

I remember when I was studying A-Level Chemistry and even at GCSE Chemistry, we were encouraged to develop a respect for the laboratory and its chemicals, something this ruling would rob from budding scientists. Any really dangerous experiments were done by our teacher or the lab assistant behind a screen – but we still got to experience them!

Honestly, I find it difficult to fathom why we as a society have become so afraid of everything causing us damage. Obviously there are risks to everything we do but if we all lived our lives according to those risks, none of us would leave the bloody house – simply sitting in our padded living rooms, slurping liquidised meals through ergonomically designed straws that disintegrate upon with anything other than our exact genetic material.

Don’t worry though; they would have been designed by scientists that learnt how to do it from the internet!

The reasons...

2009-08-29T08:50:00.005+01:00

When bad things happen, it's usually easy to get bogged down in the reasons. The why's and the how's of the event. That's exactly where I should find myself this morning while dealing with the aftermath of a theft. But in reality I am in a completely different mental space.

Having been picked pocketed in Clapham, I spent my entire evening and most of this morning sorting through the madness of cancelling cards, requesting new ones and discovering the thief had access to my pin number and has taken a substantial amount from my account.

Even though I am annoyed (not only because I've been robbed but because I wasn't even drunk when it happened) and it would be really easy for me to vent my frustrations in this post, what good would it do me? It would simply leave the small amount of control the thief scarpered with last night in tact and serve no real purpose. No, I would rather forgo the rant and focus on the lessons learnt - that way a negative experience can have positive impact on my life... So the next time shit happens (and it always does) I urge you to do the same.

Legoman out...

The media still really annoy me!

2009-08-20T00:50:00.006+01:00

So recently I've not been able to open a newspaper without coming across the running total of soldiers killed in the Afghanistan conflict - so far the count is up to 204 and trust me those newspaper editors are just waiting for the call from their correspondants, giving them the chance to chuck the magic number of 205 on the front page. It reminds me of the way the media reported the knife crime problems of 2008. Check out my thoughts on that here if you want.

Once again the media has either missed the point entirely or are ignoring it for the sake of moving units and selling product. Here's the thing, by joining the armed forces a person places their life and potential loss of life in the hands of those in command; either their superiors or the politicians who decide which conflict is worth fighting. And those people who do decide to enlist are much braver and all together nobler than I. But I can’t sit here and listen to the media keep score on the number of deaths in an active conflict (and it’s not as if the numbers on civilian casualties is being given the same amount of coverage either) without feeling slightly stupid - it’s as if they are treating me like I have the brain of a lobotomised cockroach addicted to crystal meth!

When they feign indignation at the death of a soldier and then immediately begin to ask why Britain is in Afghanistan in the first place, it can only be unhelpful. Surely instead of the running totals and the lampooning government ministers the media (and us as a nation) should be asking looking to be as informed as we can be and asking different questions to get said information.

In my view, the question is not why Britain are in Afghanistan (they are there for a number of reasons, but the most pressing is that the country needs rebuilding, 8 years of military struggle have levelled it and they are not there alone!) but whether NATO is still an effective world peace keeping force? Or even whether the use of military force is sufficient to resolve this occupation and if not, what is being done to supplement the military efforts.

Surely intelligent journalism or insightful news reporting has not deserted us yet or have our news services decided that treating us all like we have the combined intellect of the Big Brother housemates is best way for us to know what’s going on in the world in 2009. I guess a little perspective is too much to ask for?

RIP Michael Jackson 1958 -2009

2009-06-26T01:08:00.010+01:00

There's not much I can say to be honest. As I sit here listening to the news reports about one of the biggest influences on pop culture of all time moving on to another plain of existence; all I know is that I am sad... and a little mad.

Sad because Michael was one of the greats. A truly talented performer that could make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up with just one whether he's hitting that high note to start 'Don't Stop Till You Get Enough' or defying gravity with that lean in the Smooth Criminal video. And I am mad because the media who have hounded him for the past six years are now trying to sympathise with those of us who loved him. For anyone trying to learn how to be truly ungenuine - just watch the news being reported right now.

Anyway, I don't want to be negative...Michael maybe gone but he will live on for all time through his music and the memories he left the people of my generation. The moonwalk, the ingenious videos, his voice and of course the amazing music. So much of my childhood had Michael's music as a soundtrack. I still remember dancing, with two of my Childhood friends Robert and Nana, to Thriller in their living room trying to get the moves down - we were only about nine!

So here's to you Michael, you rocked my world and were one of the artists that made me fall in love with music. You were taken from us far too early, but I guess one of your own songs can express it much better than I ever could...

Guess who's back... your boy is back!

2009-06-23T15:52:00.004+01:00

So I know I've been pretty silent for months (ok completely silent) I thought it might be a good idea to come back and blog again. There were a couple of reasons why I stopped writing but the big one was that I felt nothing around me inspired me. (plus I have no job so nothing to distract me). Since I last blogged, I've realised three things:

1. Losing your job makes me question whether you can actually do anything else
2. Jeremy Kyle is a guilty sin that you can become addicted to - watching Oprah is like my rehab
3. I've finally realised inspiration comes from within - the outside world is merely a catalyst

So with those things in mind and to quote a wordsmith more talented than I - "Yeah ma, your dude is back, maybach roof is back. Tell the whole world the truth is back"

Watchmen - A Review

2009-03-08T18:11:00.001Z

OK, the secrets out; I might as well admit it... I am a comic book geek. It's true, I like graphic novels - please don't hold it against me, but we've all got our vices right? But I got into them later on in life than most of the fan boys out there. So that doesn't mean I can tell you what happened in third panel of the eighth page of book #57 of The Amazing Spiderman, but it does mean I'm partial to the odd comic book movie and probably feel it more when Hollywood destroys a perfectly good premise with a war zone's worth of explosions (that's right X-Men 3: The Last Stand, I'm talking about you).

One movie that I'll be looking forward to is Watchmen and with that in mind read and the fact it was a Christmas present, I decided to read the graphic novel. The front cover proudly boasts that it's one of Time Magazines top 100 novels (not graphic novels, novels!). It shares list space with some of my favourite pieces of work. Ralph Ellison's The Invisible Man, Harper Scott Lee's To Kill a Mocking Bird even George Orwell's 1984. Even I wondered what the heck it was doing on the list.

The story is set against the backdrop of a tense 1985 were America and the Soviet Union are still embroiled in a Cold War and nuclear attacks are a distinct possibility. Masked vigilantism, once accepted and even celebrated by society is now outlawed, with most heroes retired and keeping a low profile. Only one is still active and it's his investigation into the death of a fellow costumed hero starts a chain of events that drives the story to it's jaw dropping climax. Cue conspiracy theories, plot twists and more intrigue than should theoretically even exist within the pages of anything labeled a children's medium. I'll admit, the art work of Dave Gibbon's can be hard to get to grips with but luckily Alan Moore's story telling and attention to detail ensures that once you do, it's clear it's appearance on Time Magazine's top 100 novels is completely justified.

I'm not going to give any of the story away, but this is definitely one of the most original takes on the 'Hero' genre and much of what has followed in that ilk owes much to the vision of Alan Moore. The show Heroes owes it's entire first season plot to Watchmen (and actually most of the third)! Even if you're not a comic book fan, I'd recommend reading this one novel... not because it'll change your thoughts on the medium, but because from a literary point of view you owe it to yourself.

Update - 07/03/2008

I went to see Watchmen last night and while I was slightly disappointed with some alterations - but the changes were completely understandable. The problem is not with the film itself, it's with the advertising, leading the general population to expect a different film to the one they actually get. It's been sold as another ensemble superhero movie, when in reality most of the main characters feel nothing but isolation. Still worth my entry fee though and it's been a while since I said that after going to the movies!

The fallacy of normality

2009-02-25T10:07:00.014Z

I often wonder when people talk about being normal, what exact measure of normality they are measuring against. I mean what's normal to me might not be normal to you or that person taking a sneak peak at these words behind you right now (made you look!). Anyway, back to my point... normality. You might wonder why I'm talking about what I see is the fallacy of normality... well it's just that a few things have happened recently that made me think. Just two of them are:

1. A group called Schools Out want primary educators to have specific information taught in primary schools about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender families.

2. Cerrie Burnell, the new Cbeebies presenter sparked some negative responses from parents worried that her disability would scare children or that the BBC had taken equal opportunities too far.

While these instances are completely unrelated, I think they share a core fundamental - they are both instances where people are reacting to what they see as an affront to their normality. Schools Out is confronting the presentation of the traditional family as normal in schools (as that doesn’t fit in with their notion of the regular) and those parents took offence to what they saw as an affront to the normality they had presented to their children.

It just seems to me that so many people are so obsessed with reshaping the world to fit in with their personal definition of normality (there are times when this is justified, but I'll leave this for another post). But the thing with your definition of normality is that it's yours… everyone’s idea is going to vary to at least some degree.

But what's so wrong with being different? What's wrong with having your own unique outlook, experience, views or even physicality? Now I don't want you thinking that I don't believe abnormal outlooks and behaviour exists. There is a base level of normality that we all work to and some people dwell beneath that. Some fly so far below that line they're practically pond skimming the surface of sanity. (Relationships with life sized silicon sex dolls - hello people. Put the over sized Barbie down!) But for the most part if the expression of your alternate outlook doesn't harm anyone (including yourself), what's the big deal. So a BBC presenter has one arm? So what... is she a good presenter? So primary schools don't teach about alternative family units - how about we stick to teaching our children how to read, write and count first? Let's leave the talk of sexual preferences until they reach secondary school and if that's too late for you, you as a parent play a more active role in educating your child.

Ultimately normality is a fallacy because we are all different; we should be celebrating those differences not trying to eradicate them, amalgamate them or hide them away. We're different races and sexes. We've had different upbringings, shared different experiences, have different preferences. We have different dreams, different goals and different plans on how to realise them. And you know what, that's ok because we share one fundamental element - our humanity. It's the one undeniable truth that enables us to be different, while all pretty much being the same. And if we're all the same, then we're not that different at all really.

Sins of the father...(or mother for that matter)

2009-02-22T08:58:00.005Z

Now, the fact that I've only just heard about the Chris Brown-Rhianna incident could indicate that I've spent the last three weeks living in some semi catatonic state amongst nomadic goats in the highest hills of East Africa, or it could just be indicative of my interest in the celebrity culture that’s seems to have the majority of people between the ages of 13 and 40 practically salivating at the prospect of finding out who John Mayer is sleeping with next. Sure I'll sneak a look at 'Flava of Love' as readily as the next guy (or even watch a whole episode of Run's House - his final message is always worth it) but when it comes to staying up to date with what famous people are doing, save their actually field of work, I usually steer clear of their shenanigans. So when the reports of problems between Chris Brown and Rihanna first surfaced, I really didn't pay much attention. I'm not even going to get drawn into the details surrounding the case because I think we all know what's alleged to have happened and plus the gossip sites have gone into overdrive with all sorts of nonsense. For example, from www.inquisitr.com, I found the following:

Sources allegedly close to Brown allege that the fight leading to the domestic violence incident occurred because Rihanna gave Chris Brown herpes.

And how did Rihanna end up with an STD to begin with? Claims are that she picked it up from Jay-Z!

I mean what the heck, how do you even begin to come up with something like that?! Sources, what sources? The only source that could possibly come up with that was probably made by Heinz (ok, bad joke I admit it freely). But after some digging and fact checking on less ridiculous sites, I came across quotes from Chris Brown admitting that, between the ages of seven to thirteen, he and his mother had both been the victims of domestic abuse at the hands of someone close to both of them. It got me thinking about how our experiences as children stay with us into our adult existences.

People often describe children as sponges, absorbing the information around them consciously and subconsciously. Usually this serves us well as it helps us to develop. It gives us the opportunity to pick up a number of skills that would take considerably more effort to pick when we are older. If you think about it you can trace so much of yourself to the things you witnessed or heard as a youngster - views on different races, different sexes, how you treat strangers, even your own self worth. Traced back to a time when you were aware of everything and nothing at he same time.We internalize so much that we're not aware of until a situation presents us with a chance to react. But I think this Chris Brown case shows what can happen if the things you witness in your childhood, therefore what you internalize, are less than positive. That's why I think hurt people hurt or those with absent fathers are more likely to be absent fathers themselves. Or how 13 year old father Alfie Patten who is one of nine and his 15 girlfriend who is one of five (indicating that both their sets of parents had children at a young age, maybe even in their teens) find themselves one more teenage couple raising a child in Britain? Everything is cyclic and if an issue is passed from parent to child, it's going to keep being passed down until someone breaks the chain.

Now I don't want you thinking that I'm excusing abhorrent behaviour purely because of what people have gone through in their youth, but what I am saying is there is usually a reason why people do certain things. Unless we have the self awareness or the introspective nature to discover negative issues (large or small) left over from childhood and address them, we're are never going to know how or why they influence our everyday decisions or how to stop that negativity. Making us all susceptible to our very own Chris Brown moment (obviously not literally).

Change is underrated...

2009-02-15T17:52:00.024Z

You know what I’m tired. As I sit at my computer, the noise of the keyboard beneath my hands creating a symphony of words that translate into the sentences you read - I am tired. Not physically tired. Not even emotionally tired; tired of the ever apparent stagnation that surrounds me. Why is it that so many things have changed in recent months, yet so much seems to have stayed the same. Obama gets into the White House on the promise of change and bipartisanship, yet nearly every Republican in the house objected his economic stimulus plan. HBOS just recently received £17 million from tax payers to ensure the bank’s survival but suddenly, due to their merger with the Lloyds Banking Group, another tax payer funded bail out is probably going to be needed. There's even another Friday the 13th movie being released (we've already had Halloween and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre)!

Seriously am I living in the Tardis where time and space continually repeat themselves in some annoying Central Perk feedback loop? Honestly, I liked Friends when it was on the first, second or even fifth time around but did that show not end like over four years ago – why is it still on TV? Wouldn’t any one who wanted to watch episodes for the 19th time already have the DVDs... why punish the rest of us with Monica and the rest running around like it's 1994 and no one of even the remotest hint of ethnicity lives in New York city? "Could it BE any more tiresome?"

Anyway, back to my point... I guess the big things don't change until you address the little things. Sick of Friends reruns - change the channel. Hate sloppy remakes of classic 70's slasher movies - don't buy a ticket. Sick of the banks getting tax payer's money - demand something is done differently. They say that one man (or woman) can make a difference. I don't agree with that and not just as it was said in reference to a guy who had been bitten by a radioactive spider, could walk up walls and shoot webbing from his wrists. I think it takes more than one person to make a difference, but it doesn't take more than one person to inspire the chain reaction that ultimately leads to a new path. The thing about change, real change, is it's a personal journey that can start with the most innocuous of choices. All it takes is the smallest decision to do something. A single action, reaction or moment of inaction can start us on a path to success, failure or indifference. For example a teenage Barack Obama decided to go to Chicago after college and become a community organiser, a small decision that has ultimately lead him to the White House.

So instead of bemoaning the current predicament, like I've been doing for the entirety of this piece, maybe we should be looking to effect positive change in our lives and the lives of those closest to us. In our attitudes, our shared experiences and our communities. Starting with an alternative ingredient to bring about a new end product... because change is progress and progress is truly living. Without progress we might as well all be seated in front of another Friends rerun for the 20th, 21st, 22nd time... Are they on a break, aren't they on a break - oh the suspense!

Who is he?

2009-02-09T13:06:00.007Z

So I just got through reading Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance written by President Obama. I don't think I need to tell any of you how good it was and if you haven't read it, get it on your book list without delay.

What I will say about it, is I don't think anyone has articulated the experience trying to unify two cultures as clearly as he. It made me think back to my youth. My experiences growing up and feeling like I didn't really belong in either of my cultures... so with my mind travelling back to my teenage years, I wrote my first poem in almost three years... here goes:

Who is he?

Who is he?
The son of of an African immigrant, that's what he calls himself,
comprised of elements of entities he barely understands.
A name with meanings he can no longer pluck from the memories of his lost heritage,
and a language who's words and tones leave him frozen, unsure of what direction he is being pointed.
Constantly searching for an answer to a question eve n more foreign to him than his place in this western world.
"Who am I really?"

Who is he?
The son of an African immigrant, that's what they call him,
In their eyes a swirling stereotype to be misunderstood and feared.
They see his walk as lacking in true purpose, yet so full of arrogance,
He's one of us through documentation only - a paper thin association.
"Who does he think he is? Really!"

Who is he? He's the son of an African immigrant.
As unsure of himself and his world is unsure of him.
Trying to unite two histories, just for the chance at one destiny,
terrified his fraudulent duality is one well placed question away from discovery.
Who is he? He's the son of an African immigrant.
Who is he?... He is me

An open letter to Carol Thatcher or your average Daily Mail reader

2009-02-05T10:12:00.015Z

Dear Mrs. Thatcher,

Do you know, when I sat down to write this letter it was supposed to be a thoughtful piece of correspondence on racial tolerance, the importance of circumstantial context and above all an semi investigation into the mentality of someone who could possibly have innocently compared a black tennis player to a childhood toy.

But as my fingers strike the keys of my laptop and deep fury is bubbling inside me. One which is rising from the pit of my soul and hijacking each and everyone of the neural pathways that carry information from my brain to the tips of my digits. There's a battle raging between my thoughts and my heart, and the heart is winning, convincingly. Overriding the intellectual response I want to give and causing me to give in to my desire to react emotionally. Luckily through my years of writing I have learnt to channel my feelings, so this will be no mere rant.

Mrs. Thatcher, I am angry and what follows is an analysis of that anger and your part in it's creation.

1. You offended me

Whatever the intention behind the statement made in the Green Room, you caused offence. You offended the people within ear shot and you offended me and you offended any other person that chooses to take offence. The term Golliwog has a history attached to it, a history of disparaging remarks against people of another race, this in itself means the word is loaded. A racial slur is a racial slur and just because a golliwog was once a childhood toy based on the Black Minstrel Show it soon became a way in which to hurt the feelings of fellow human beings. A person of your generation would know how this word was and still is used, so why you would choose to use it is beyond me, but I digress.

2. Your arrogance

While you using the term golliwog made me angry, your reaction to the response has added the paraffin to the proverbial flame. Why can you not just accept that while you didn't mean to, you insulted a large number of people, of all races. Accept it, say you didn't mean to cause offence, say you're sorry and move on. But the subconscious arrogance that you feel justifies you in this case just won't let you, will it? I mean anyone who is upset that you compared/called a black man a golliwog just didn't understand the humour and shouldn't be offended. That’s fine but if I was to say that you wouldn't look out of place on one of those Crystal Meth before and after adverts showing the results of years of drug abuse and you look like at any given moment your face is about to cave in on itself like a crème brulee baked by a blind paraplegic chef with arthritis in their neck, you might take offence but then I'd just say you don't get it. Can you see what I'm getting at???

3. The right wing media and their bullshit

Why is it that when something racially charged happens, the right wing media immediately try and pass the event off as a joke. Is the whole world full of comedians? Are we all just walking around telling each other jokes? I don't understand. While situations like the Prince Harry incident are unfortunate, you can at least explain that the prince and his Asian colleague, as with all friends, have an understanding of what is acceptable within the bounds of their relationship and what is not. But for the most part, in incidents like yours Mrs. Thatcher or that of Ron Atkinson, or the Shilpa Shetty affair in the Celebrity Big Brother house, the right wing media always tries to turn the remark or action into a bit of friendly banter or worse turn the aggressor into the victim. But while painting the situation into a case of a joke misunderstood, they are in fact insinuating that people who take offence have no sense of humour - I'm sorry I reject that argument, I have a fantastic sense of humour, in fact, I'm the funniest person I know... I'll tell you joke to prove it:

Person 1: Knock knock...

Person 2: Who's there...

Person 1: A Stu...

Person 2: A Stu who???

Person 1: A Stupid old woman who still thinks racially slurs are acceptable in this day and age and who should really learn to keep her archaic descriptive terms to the privacy of her own home!

See, I'm a regular stand-up comedian!

4. Small mindedness

Seriously, admitting a mistake is not the end of civilization, it's not the liberal left taking over and it certainly isn't the end of England. She got sacked, get over it. So why is it that when someone makes an error in judgement, whether the cause of that error is subconscious racism, ignorance or just plain stupidity that some people get up in arms and claim that freedom of speech has been impeded. Here's the problem with that rational is that if you and the rest of your Daily Mail reading regiment want to bleat on about the right to make racially charged comments and then protect them with the blanket of freedom of speech, then you have to accept that people who are offended by said comments have the freedom to speak out against them - that's the whole point of freedom of speech.

I guess that's all I have to say on the matter Mrs. Thatcher, and I feel I have wasted enough time on you and your actions. I should spend my time and effort engaging with people who actually matter... but I just had to tell you how I felt.

Yours

Mofoluwaso Merriman-Johnson (or if that's too hard to pronounce, just call me Golly!)

It's snow wonder I'm pi$$sed!

2009-02-02T14:16:00.011Z

Ok, so the title of this post is a little cheesy - ok, it's down right Stilton-esq and could have a place in one of the red top fish and chip carriers masquerading as newspapers. But I couldn't help it, I'm am thoroughly annoyed.

As I sit here and type, the world outside my window has come to a complete standstill and with it my ability to comprehend exactly why. I mean snow isn't exactly a new phenomenon; the freezing of water particles as they travel through to upper atmosphere has been happening since, well, the ice age and probably before! Yet all it takes is a few inches (and let's be honest it's not like we're talking feet here) and nothing works. The entire bus network - closed. The tube network - almost completely crippled. The trains - once about as unreliable and a 19th century pregnancy test have been rendered as useful as a Zimbabwean electoral vote by the snow.

What I can't get my head around are two major thoughts that keep swirling around my mind like the now outside my window

1. Britain has never been a tropical country!

I mean if cold weather was a relatively new thing to the United Kingdom, I might be able to put into perspective or even deal with the fact that the facilities in this country can't handle the cold. But it's not. It has been cold, will stay cold and get colder (if the North Atlantic Drift temperature drops any more). Seriously was everything designed in the height of summer while the engineers sipped on chilled lemonade? But then again, nothing seems to work at 100% when the weather is warm either, so I guess that theory's out the proverbial window. How a cold country counts on a transport system that fails in cold weather and continue to do nothing about it is beyond me. It's like letting a narcoleptic drive you home at night time!

2. How come everyone else can handle it?

USA, Canada, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland... just a few of the countries around the world that manage to survive the 'game changing' occurrence of snow settling on the ground. If they can handle it why can't we? Even if we don't create our own solutions to the problems is it not an idea to pilfer some of their initiatives that keep the country moving in times of adverse weather? The government was quick to call over former New York Mayor Rudy Guiliani to teach the Met police about the three strikes code of practice. Oh I forgot, politicians only take the really crappy ideas and implement them (Identity cards anyone?), silly me.

I don't really know what I am trying to say here, short of things need to be sorted, and someone needs to sort them. Although, I guess I might be being a little harsh, I mean if the country hadn't ground to a halt under the enormous weight of one foot of snow, I wouldn't be at home writing this when I was supposed to be working. And 'The thoughts of an afro-legoman' would have remained as empty as they have done for months. I guess I shouldn't complain at all then, but what fun would that be?